Posted On May 15, 2018
Hello, my sweet friends!! If you are reading this, it is most likely because you love me very much, and despite my shortcomings, you have yet to give up on me. And for that, I am eternally gratefully to you. It has been many months since I have posted on here, and there are a few reasons (and a whole boat load of excuses) for that. The biggest reason is that I simply spread myself too thin, as I have done pretty much my entire life, and became overwhelmed, burnt out, and defeated. And also as I have done for pretty much my entire life, I quit. These may seem like somewhat dramatic statements, especially considering that I didn’t even realize I had created this pattern for myself until very recently, but it’s the truth. I try to stay so overly busy so that bad things can’t catch up with me, until I am completely unable to function as a human being and then the plates that I’m juggling all fall to the floor at the same time!
Ok, maybe that WAS a bit dramatic. But still pretty much true. I take on more and more, trying to keep my hands busy, trying to keep my hands busy, trying to be everything to everyone, which in reality means that I’m not doing ANY of those things very well, until it just becomes too much, and I start pushing those things out of my life. The sad thing is that I don’t really reflect on which things bring me the most joy before making the decision to push something out of my life, but instead I either pick the thing that will make the largest impact by dropping it, or more often, I just randomly pick something to let go of. That’s what I did when I chose to stop writing. It wasn’t so much a conscious choice, as it was a failure to plan to write. Somewhere between new work schedules, more homework, attempting to keep off the 20 lbs I had lost 2 years ago, and keeping busy with the day to day nonsense that somehow rules our lives, I just stopped making time for something that brought me so much joy.
But over the past 5 months, I’ve begun reflecting on what it truly important in my life, and what brings me the most joy, and I realized just how much I miss writing. Even if I’m never able to monetize my blog (my original goal), even if not a single person ever reads my blog, even if I never make the huge impact on the world that I would like to think I was created to make, writing still brings me joy. In all honesty, this isn’t even something I discovered on my own. Really, my husband unknowingly helped me to see this when he started writing. I’ve never seen my husband as a writer. He is a creative type, but he’s never written anything substantial that I’ve read. He is extremely intelligent in his own right, as am I, but our intelligence is very different from each other. But over the past month something was ignited in him to write a story. He used to create stories in his head when he was younger, and there was something that happened over the past month that really lit that spark to be creative again, so he started writing this amazingly elaborate story. I saw him diligently give every spare moment to developing pieces of his story. From the characters, to the setting, the different events, the timeline, even contemplating whether it should be a single book or a series of books. It has been so incredibly inspiring to watch him come to life as he began writing, that I found myself wondering why I had stopped. And wondering why I didn’t begin again.
So here I am. A new year, a new chapter, and definitely a new me. I’ve been pouring into myself this year, intentionally, and consistently, for the first time in as long as I can remember. And to be honest, the results have been pretty incredible. My new business (more about that later) hasn’t grown at a mind-blowingly successful rate as I’d hoped it would. But instead, areas of my life that I didn’t even really realize were so significantly damaged are being healed in such a soul-moving way that I can’t help but be completely humbled at how good my God is. And I know, even the mention of God will turn some people off. But my hope for you, my friend, is that you are mature enough to look past our difference in beliefs, and see to the heart of what I am trying to say here. I promise not to shove my beliefs down your throat like so many so-called Christians tend to do. I also promise to love you wherever you are at, whether you have been a fervent Christian your whole life, are teetering on the edge of disbelief like I have been in the past, if you believe we are all just floating around on our own efforts, or if you believe that God is a betrayer, also like I did for a very long time (more on that later too). As Christians we are called to love our neighbor, not judge our neighbor. And I promise to love you, whether you agree with me or not. (Note, that doesn’t mean that I have to tolerate hatefulness or disrespect either. I can still love without allowing others to treat me badly.) So, on that note, I will end this post. If you have read to the end, may I just say that I love and appreciate you, from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much your support means to me. Please feel free to drop me a comment below so that I can thank you! Until next time…xoxo.
P.S. I may be rebranding my site at some point in the future. I’d love your feedback on the ideas I’m currently throwing around. LifeWithNatalie vs. HealYourSoul – which do you think suites the site better?